[GASTON]
When a man like me is thwarted
And denied his honeymoon

[LeFOU]
When the pretty thing he's courted
Refuses to swoon

[GASTON]
Then the time has come for a murky plan

[LeFOU]
For which he turns to a murky man

[ALL]
To find that fiend where better than
At the Maison des Lunes?

[GASTON]
You'll be strapping up an inmate

[LeFOU]
Very tightly

[GASTON]
Very soon
But we won't bring him in late

[LeFOU]
Your check-in time's noon

[D'ARQUE]
How sad Maurice is not too well

[GASTON]
Prepare a five-star padded cell!

[ALL]
And book him in for a long, long spell
At the Maison des Lunes

[GASTON]
Do I make myself entirely clear?

[LeFOU]
It's the simplest deal of your whole foul career

[GASTON]
Put Maurice away and she'll be here in moments

[LeFOU]
In a dreadful state

[GASTON]
She'll capitulate to me

[D'ARQUE]
Oh! Oh! Oh, I love incarceration
I could lock up a platoon

[GASTON]
We'll apply your inclination
To a mad old buffon

[GASTON & LeFOU]
Then wave one bachelor goodbye

[GASTON]
She'll be my bride

[LeFOU]
She'd rather die
Than have her daddy ossify

[D'ARQUE]
The time's opportune

[ALL]
So book the church, raise glasses high
To the Maison des Lunes!